Friends, distinguished guests...

When I started this blog, I called it Five New Things for a reason: I was going to try to do five new things before the end of the year. I started knitting and volunteering for Planned Parenthood back in January, I got into wine drinking this spring (wow, that sounds really bad...maybe I should say wine tasting), and then last month I started my IMC program, which I am loving despite the insane workload.

Yesterday, I started my fifth new thing: I went to my first Toastmasters meeting. Toastmasters is an international organization that helps people develop public speaking and meeting facilitation skills in a comfortable, supportive environment. Each two-hour meeting is run kind of like an awards ceremony, where each person in the group has a different role each week (speaker, MC, timekeeper, etc.) and at the end everyone evaluates each other on their performance (there's even an official 'ah counter' role). It's a way for people who are terrified of speaking in front of crowds to get over their fear. The meetings are about two hours each and take place once a week.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am completely terrified of public speaking. I have to do it occasionally for my job, and I won't sleep for a week beforehand because it stresses me out so much. I know most people don't LIKE speaking, but for me it's different. It's a genuine phobia that affects my life. I've suffered from panic attacks for many years, and that's really the only time they come out anymore. But if I want to go anywhere in my career, I'm going to have to get over it. A few people recommended Toastmasters to me, so I went to a meeting as a guest last night.

Yes, it's just as bizarre and hokey as you think it is. Everyone was so overly friendly and there was so much applause over those two hours I thought my eardrums would burst. People applaud for you when you stand up, sit down, come back from the bathroom. I was also probably the youngest person in the room by 15 years. But believe it or not, I loved it! Even as a meeting guest, I participated in the "table topics," which is an impromptu speaking opportunity on a random subject. I didn't feel nearly as nervous speaking at Toastmasters as I do at work, which gave me the opportunity to really concentrate on what I was saying and how it sounded (which was pretty damn awful. But I got lots of applause anyway). So I decided to join. Not like I have time for a new activity right now, but I know this is something I really need to do for my professional development.

For me, I know speaking will be like flying. I still hate flying, but I've done it so much over the past few years that I'm used to it now. I don't lay awake the night before a flight worrying about the plane going down -- the only time I really get nervous is those last 10 minutes before takeoff. Turbulence is still uncomfortable and nerve-wracking for me, but I've been on so many rough flights that I know that it's normal. My heart rate always quickens when a flight gets bumpy, but I never freak out anymore. That said, I'm always so relieved when my plane lands safely.

I know I'll never like public speaking, but I'm hoping to get to a point where I can do it with minimal distress. I think Toastmasters will really help me. In two weeks I need to do my icebreaker speech, which is basically a 5-7 minute speech on any topic of my choosing. Any ideas? :)