I almost killed my cat!

I hit my cat in the head with a fork today and almost killed her. Brad and I were making dinner, and I turned my back for two seconds from a plate of salmon sitting on the table. By the time I turned back around, Taka was whiskers-deep in fresh grilled fish. Normally it wouldn't bother me too much to have a pet lick my food, but Taka drinks from the toilet. Not only does she drink from the toilet, but she'll do everything in her power to get her nose in there before you have a chance to flush.

I only meant to wave the fork in her direction as a threat (I would have done it with my bare hand -- I just happened to be clutching a fork), when she looked up at the last minute and whack it got her right between the eyes. Within an instant, the house became chaos. Taka went yelping and streaking through the living room, I went running after her screaming "oh my god oh my god," Brad had no idea what was going on, the cauliflower was overcooking in the microwave and starting to smoke, and I'm sure something else chaotic happened, like a bomb detonating in our basement.

The whole time I'm trying to get her to show me her wound, I'm imagining the conversation at the 24-hour emergency vet (where Taka is already well-known. Seriously, for all the dough we've spent on this FREE stray cat, we could have won back in prize money on a show-ready persian or something).

Vet: Okay, one more time. You hit her in the head with a fork and you're telling me it was a total accident?

Me: Yes. (long pause)

Vet: So...tell me the story again while I just walk over here and NOT call Animal Cops Detroit.

Me: Well, it was like this. See, pretend you have a wooden baseball bat, and you want to threaten your child, so you swing it AT him -- honestly, you don't mean to actually hit him. But then you do. (long pause)

It took a few minutes before she'd let me come anywhere near her to examine the wound. The fork gave her a good scratch, but didn't actually break skin, so no blood. And by the time I figured it out, she'd pretty much forgotten what had happened and was rolling around on the floor, purring. (We think all that toilet water does something to her brain.) But you'd better believe that someone got a big, fat piece of salmon for dinner, and it wasn't mommy or daddy.

Oh well. This isn't quite as funny as the time I hit her in the eye with a jump rope (no joke).